![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Apr. 3rd, 2019 04:35 am
Depression
At times you see something coming. You don't admit it is on the horizon and it makes it to your door. I saw this coming a long way off, even before the work stress ramped up and peaked. Even before coming back from the Disney Vacation. It was evident and nigh unstoppable as I looked at my diet, sleep patterns, sense of isolation and irrational mood swings. There was also the increase in the Envoy conditioning locking down hard every time it was tripped. There were days where the subway was feeling impossible and the only way on was because I had no choice. One thing about my depression cycle that I was always proud of, I could make it to work. Uncomfortable as hell but I made it.
In the past the looming threat over a major relationship was "If you are depressed its going have to end because I can't afford to be with some one who is depressed" Mind you the claims of depression from the one who dropped the edict we plentiful and often. End result things were shoved aside, functionality pushed and a hell of a lot was ignored. "I can't afford this." became a refrain.
Now in New York living on my own, I have a support network that has said it is in fact alright to have a round of depression. Now that makes for an interesting time. Being allowed to speak it, have it, cozy up to it has allowed me to think of an actual plan of attack and not some knuckle down and hope for the best idea. Something that feels direct and workable. If the level of I don't want to my brain is throwing up is any indication of feasibility then this is a god strategy. All of it involves routine and addressing points of contention.
1. Exercise- Yoga (DDP look doable), cycling (I can rent a bike in Central park), martial arts practice.
2. Get out of the little room - see above and add excursions
3. Read books- get the brain working at decoding
4. Create - write, film, build something meaningful.
5. Eat real food (Stuff i make for less cash)
6. Save up for an apartment
7. Sleep- find comfort
8. Loose weight (see all of the above)
All of this is together is right thought leads to right speech leads to right action. This is my plan if it does not work I will find a way to get on anti depressants. It is a meaningful plan of attack and has the advantage of being a reasonable way to spend my time.
In the past the looming threat over a major relationship was "If you are depressed its going have to end because I can't afford to be with some one who is depressed" Mind you the claims of depression from the one who dropped the edict we plentiful and often. End result things were shoved aside, functionality pushed and a hell of a lot was ignored. "I can't afford this." became a refrain.
Now in New York living on my own, I have a support network that has said it is in fact alright to have a round of depression. Now that makes for an interesting time. Being allowed to speak it, have it, cozy up to it has allowed me to think of an actual plan of attack and not some knuckle down and hope for the best idea. Something that feels direct and workable. If the level of I don't want to my brain is throwing up is any indication of feasibility then this is a god strategy. All of it involves routine and addressing points of contention.
1. Exercise- Yoga (DDP look doable), cycling (I can rent a bike in Central park), martial arts practice.
2. Get out of the little room - see above and add excursions
3. Read books- get the brain working at decoding
4. Create - write, film, build something meaningful.
5. Eat real food (Stuff i make for less cash)
6. Save up for an apartment
7. Sleep- find comfort
8. Loose weight (see all of the above)
All of this is together is right thought leads to right speech leads to right action. This is my plan if it does not work I will find a way to get on anti depressants. It is a meaningful plan of attack and has the advantage of being a reasonable way to spend my time.