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Today I had to help take one of the cats in for their shots. Load up the cat in the carrier, carrier to the car, drive the short way to the vet, call the vet, wait for the tech to come get the cat carrier. Standard stuff, other than it being hot, sitting inside a car that acts like a magnifying glass in the sun and finding out that the cat does not need shots until October. The real miracle was that nobody got nuked. The office said they just checked the file before we got there. This whole encounter could have been avoided with a check of the file and a phone call. Instead once again there is a failure for base competence.
Today I saw the lovely sealed wooden box that is the final resting place of Candle. There was also a impression of her paw in clay. It was smaller than it should be and the shape was a bit rough. Enough that I had to think about it. 10% is clay but the rest of it is that She is dead there is no circulation, soft things with out blood flow, so of course t is going to look off. Not to mention just fucking wishing things were different.
I am not going to get over this, she died quickly, but not quietly. A series of grand mal seizures, two in the car on the way to the emergency vet in Ithaca, three at the vets. This is after an ongoing series during the day. The problem started not long after a med change. She went years with out a seizure only to have a cluster hit right after the med change. The vet says that there was no relationship between the med change and the cluster. This is the same vet who can't be bothered to get the details on booster shot by reading their own notes. I was holding Candle when she died, she was kicking and clearly didn't recognize me. Kim and the ER vet said that was just a reaction to the drugs un the shot. Part of me knows I have to trust this. The other part, knows this is what you tell people so they can function after doing what has to be done.
I have been in the room when a pet has died for every single one that had to get the shot. Hands on until its over. I have buried some, taken others to the crematorium and been present as much as possible. Three dogs, four cats. Candle was the only one who fought. That's my dog. Walked like me, acted like me and gave the finger to the end. As I said I will not get over this. That is not to say my functioning will stop, that I can't move on. There is a hole, it isn't going to fully heal and I am not the forgiving type.
Here is the life lesson. How you do things matters. If you can't be bothered to read a file properly, then how can you be trusted with big things like making life or death judgments. Maybe the vet is right and it was just bad timing. The reminder of a lesson from Mr. Gardner is landing hard. He would look at how you prepped, entered his space and how you carried yourself. In his world how you put your shoes in a cubby mattered. Looking at the wreck of a room I am in I get it and I understand.
Today I saw the lovely sealed wooden box that is the final resting place of Candle. There was also a impression of her paw in clay. It was smaller than it should be and the shape was a bit rough. Enough that I had to think about it. 10% is clay but the rest of it is that She is dead there is no circulation, soft things with out blood flow, so of course t is going to look off. Not to mention just fucking wishing things were different.
I am not going to get over this, she died quickly, but not quietly. A series of grand mal seizures, two in the car on the way to the emergency vet in Ithaca, three at the vets. This is after an ongoing series during the day. The problem started not long after a med change. She went years with out a seizure only to have a cluster hit right after the med change. The vet says that there was no relationship between the med change and the cluster. This is the same vet who can't be bothered to get the details on booster shot by reading their own notes. I was holding Candle when she died, she was kicking and clearly didn't recognize me. Kim and the ER vet said that was just a reaction to the drugs un the shot. Part of me knows I have to trust this. The other part, knows this is what you tell people so they can function after doing what has to be done.
I have been in the room when a pet has died for every single one that had to get the shot. Hands on until its over. I have buried some, taken others to the crematorium and been present as much as possible. Three dogs, four cats. Candle was the only one who fought. That's my dog. Walked like me, acted like me and gave the finger to the end. As I said I will not get over this. That is not to say my functioning will stop, that I can't move on. There is a hole, it isn't going to fully heal and I am not the forgiving type.
Here is the life lesson. How you do things matters. If you can't be bothered to read a file properly, then how can you be trusted with big things like making life or death judgments. Maybe the vet is right and it was just bad timing. The reminder of a lesson from Mr. Gardner is landing hard. He would look at how you prepped, entered his space and how you carried yourself. In his world how you put your shoes in a cubby mattered. Looking at the wreck of a room I am in I get it and I understand.
