(no subject)

[raev]

 I can't sleep.  I wish people would leave me alone for a bit.  My dad forced an issue with an ill timed phone call.  In the middle of it he said I have a good family.  I told him the issue wasn't his family, it was me.  I am the villain of this story. He said he is afraid that something will happen to me, and he does not know what he will do if it does.  A bit late, like standing in an ash pile wondering where the house went.  It's the melt down all over again but in miniature.  Living in that awful moment again hoping to hell it does not go over the top.   I think the deciding point is that the well has gone dry and everything is wrung out.

So here I lay in my bed  waiting for exhaustion to set in and for the children to understand they are not the only beings in the world.  Waiting for children to figure out that there are consequences for their consumption of other people's lives is like looking at the moon in a bucket of water.  You are going to wait a long time and only get a reflection of sincerity.