Admitting Things I Hate to Admit

 I am in the midst of depression
I am on the wrong career path
There is not enough sex in my life, onanism is dull and yet the build up isn't.
I need an outlet for all aspects of the self.
Getting out of the room and doing things is critical.
Film making has to happen but I am in a vicious cycle where the kit I need isn't here and there isn't enough room for the kit I need.
Sending money home is great but it leaves me stuck in the hostel.
I don't have the energy to do anything.
I am forcing my self to go out one day a week and do something that involves walking and travel
I need to exercise more and loose weight.
I want to fence more but i don't have the energy to go and do it.
I have professional develop meant that suffers from the same lack of energy.
I have to redo some of the leg work on being comfortable with my sexuality.
I miss rough, kinky messy sex that lives my blood pumping and the emotions of uncertainty that come with being terrible.
I want a last one on one confrontation with the ex where I can see my words land like a rock from orbit as it settles in she is less for throwing me away.
I have lost my power
I am lonely 
I want go home
I am afraid if I get a job I am applying for in Syracuse it will be a step backward
I want to go on a date
I have writers block, but a flood of ideas
I feel I am better than many people I know, but that makes meeting people I am not better than all the more special
In politics never really cared to meet the other side half way, republicans only ever seem to be able to win via spin and out right fabrication. Not to mention suppression of ideas and people.  Democrats may be weak but they keep that bs to a minimum.  
I am afraid of the SCA
My days of pretty are long gone.